Movies: The curse of the golden flower by Mr. Piggy

Ladies and gentlemen, IIIIIITTTT's QUIZZ TIME!!!!!!

Question: what do you need in order to create a classic chinese movie?

Answer: lot's of chinese looking guys, some beautiful chinese women, lot's of colorful sets, an emperor, some drama, and basically that's it
Oh, and let's not forget that everybody has to know some kick ass kung fu moves, otherwise it won't be a chinese classic!
What? the story? oh don't worry about that, it doesn't have to make any sense whatsoever.

You see only three kinds of people go to see this kind of movies: guys who like kung fu movies, guys who like chinese girls doing kung fu moves (matrix like and all), and guys who like to brag that they've seen foreign art flicks when in fact all they where looking for were
...you guessed, kung fu. Foreign art kung fu that is...

The curse of the golden flower is...well...I don't really know how to even describe this movie...all I can say is that halfway

through it I started thinking about washing my feet, going to monte carlo, eating marshmellows and stuff like that.
Coz really, what was the whole thing about?

The story follows the emperor's family and the drama is set around the medicine that the empress has to take because the emperor has ordered it.
The thing is that the damn medicine is poisoned, and the empress knows it but can't do anything about it, coz, you know, the emperor is a bad mother fucker.

Oh but wait, that's interesting, there's ANOTHER mother fucker in the movie, the emperor's first son, and he's litterally fucking his mom (oh my god...)

But then, just when you thought you'd seen it all, the mother fucker (the son) is also fucking his sister (take that oedipus), only he doesn't know she's his sister because the other mother fucker (the father) never told him who his real mother was...

Try to keep up....

Then, all of the sudden, the mother of the sister's mother fucker appears and all hell (I mean palace) breaks loose: the little brother of the sister's mother fucker kills him, then the fake mom of the mother fucker stops fucking the other mother fucker and plots a coup d'etat against him (all that in chinese of course), which is then put into action by the mother fucker's other brother, but for some reason ninjas fly out of mountains and prevent it from happening. Then if you add the musical at the end (in chinese) and the death by golden belt wip the mother fucker (the father) gives to the younger mother fucker's brother, you'll get one hell of a WATHAFUCKISTHISSHIT!!!

wew....

On the good side the ladies in this movie wear some tight corsets... And I mean those things are TIGHT...

2/10 lics for the movie, coz somehow they managed to get some kung fu in it.
7/10 for the tight tight corsets



(Miss Wank: Mr. Piggy, I must add, just checked into BWA (bad words anonymous), and he's really inproving his manners I must say. We're all very proud of him, I apologize for all the swearing though, it's temporary!:) )