Every once in a while our Sex and Masturbation, I mean, Relationships experts will answer our reader's emails. Please bear with us while we try to fix you.
This week, with our very own Aunt Agony
" Dear Auntie,
Ma name iz Joe and I'm 16. Rccently I met thiz girl, and man, she is hot! she's gotz a sporty boddy full of muscles, more muscles even than mme, she's also very strrong and I find everythng about her sexy, even her beard and ocasionnally stronng voice. Her name is Marty, ad it means "little flower" in katmandu. My class mates told me.
Ma problem is that I do not haave the courage to, like, approach her and stuff...you know, tell her my inner feelings and shit...I'm very shy, alsso because I'm a bit blind and ma glasses are very thickk.
On top of that, whenever I try to talk to her, her best friend, who's with her whenever they ggo, attacks me... I still don't understand why, I think she's being overly protecctive, you know. She even tried too make me stopp wanting my sweet Marty by tellling me that she was a boy...cann you bilieve that? How cann she say somthing like that about her own best friedn??
Anyways, Auntie, wat shoul I do?"
Hello Joe, you gay son of a b*****, you little flower.
Marty, Martin or man Marty, is really a female who had an operation and would now like to be a man. So can you now guess what you have to do? I bet you can’t because you’re an idiot.
Let me tell you then, you first have to go to his best friend (who really is by the way his girlfriend) and tell her his real story.
Secondly, as a helpful Samaritan you also need to start spreading a rumour, I mean letting the whole world know who Marty really is, by going to your local newspaper and TV station and letting them know how he was really born.
While you are at it you can also tell them that Marty’s parents aren’t his biological parents and his real parents didn’t love him (Well you might as well tell the whole gruesome story all at once, that are you some sort of pervert and that you would really want to kill him slowly).
Then you go to Marty and try to comfort him as now you are his only friend, since by now everyone should have abandoned him, especially if your story was good. When you go see him, take with you that thing that they use in the movies with a cloth and some sort of spirit that makes people go to sleep when it comes in contact with the nose, you know what I’m talking about hey you little devil ;-), you’ve used it before hey? this will make him voluntarily go into any car trunk.
The next step is to lock him in your house and use him as a ……., do I have to tell you everything? if you don’t know what I mean then you shouldn’t be doing this.
Once you have Marty under custody, now go terrorize his “best friend” for even considering wanting Marty, the law will be on your side, there are many brilliant lawyers out there who would jump at the chance to defend your case in hell. Their contract number is ******** (Mr Piggy: I had to take this number out, as lawyers tend to be funny with their phone numbers),
go ahead and try it, Hahaha.
Neither the writer of this message nor hipbroken can be held liable for your actions after you have read this. Be stupid as much as you want but don't come crying for daddy if something goes wrong. Oh, wait a minute, then again you won't be able to come crying for daddy coz' you'll be in jail, picking up soap bars... right?
No comments:
Post a Comment