Goddam! Just finished watching part 1 and part 2 and let me tell you, if this was a friendly challenge between Rodriguez and Tarantino, then Tarantino beat Rodriguez by a big fat margin…
First up, planet terror. Here, master Rodriguez (of El Desperado, and the colossal Sin City) basically paid tribute to most B-rated zombie movies made during the 60’s and 70’s in the USA. You got it all, virus outbreak, zombie city, shady military wing, sexy girls, kung fu expert hero, all that with a cherry on top: bad quality film, unexpected dialogs and twirly script.
I really enjoyed watching this movie, it was like a study of everything a bad movie should have! It was so fucking bad that it became fucking great!
One thing I like about this director, apart from the fact that he takes the soundtracks really seriously, is his sense of humor (go watch all Desperados and you’ll understand what I mean). That sex scene with the one legged stripper…sorry, go go dancer… was off the hook. I haven’t laughed like that in a long while.
The down points: What I didn’t like perhaps was that at one point Rodriguez was pushing it a bit too far… I mean he made a real effort for the movie to look old but then stretched the end a bit too much…Specially when the hero dies (yup, just spoilt it, the hero dies hehehehehehe, at least the one you THINK is the hero).
Anyways, it’s a real fun movie. I really enjoyed it.
I’ll give a solid 7/10 lics
Now for the main dish…
Death Proof is one motherfucker of a road kill movie! This is solid shit!
First and foremost, the actors, or rather the actresses…I don’t know where the hell Tarantino found these women, but let tell you, he has an eye for talent… and another one for ass… These are some beautiful women, who can deliver strong dialog. Tarantino is, in my opinion, a great women director (Jackie brown, kill bill and now death wish).
Secondly, the dialog scenes, which is were this director truly excels. This movie is divided basically is two parts, both of which have two scenes where we get to know the characters from their own voice. And let me tell you, for a while there, I almost wished I was a hot girl… Specially the part where Jungle Julie and her friend Marcy are at the bar explaining to Butterfly what could happen if a certain poem was said in a certain way (go see the fucking movie, will you). Damn that was something.
I also love the fact that Tarantino is a master at recycling everything, from all around “Americana” music to Kurt Russell. I just fucking love it man!
Third, the missing reels touch AND THE FUCKING TRAILERS!!! Nicholas Cage as FU MANCHU MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! That one had me laughing my ass off. OHHHH and the trailer for “Thanksgiving”!! WHAT THE FUCK??!!! RE-MWAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Fourth and finally, the road chase. If this movie is a tribute to something, then it’s definitely to every great road chase movie ever made!
The down points: the lapdance… If you’ve seen the movie, you’ll understand…
10/10 lics… Peeeerfection… no, really, peeeeerfection…
Monday, October 22, 2007
Music: Radiohead – In Rainbows by Mr. Piggy
So while everybody else was wondering if 50 cents would really give up music because he was short of some 100 thousand dollars worth of a bet he lost against Kanye West, some people were doing something a bit more real (yes, more real than the almighty dollar…)
Regardless of whether you’re a fan or not, you’ve got to take your hat off for the way “In Rainbows” was sold. By now you must’ve surely heard about this album (unless you live in a cave somewhere in Afghanistan).
How much did I pay for it? Well it doesn’t really matter does it? coz whether I paid nil or 200Usd for this, “In rainbows” is a massive dildo stuck in RIAA’s tiny ass (note, without Vaseline) or any recording industry that sues single mothers of three.
Now, for the album itself…
It’s raw, and reminded me a lot of “Pablo Honey”. So if you’re looking for nice keyboards and PC effects, a la “Kid A”, go look elsewhere. This is pure guitar, bass, drums and Thom Yorke’s lungs.
It’s Radiohead at its barest, and, stop me if I’m exaggerating, most honest since my favorite “the bends”.
Tracks to look out for: Nude, House of Cards and Jigsaw falling into place.
“In Rainbows” will most likely not be remembered as Radiohead’s best album, but rather as it’s most daring and certainly as one of it’s most interesting projects to date.
RIAA this…wait…you don’t need to RIAA this album! You can get it for FREE!!! So get it for free if you like: honesty, respect, utorrent, emule and the open source movement.
6/10 for the music. Not anywhere as powerful as “the bends”
10/10 for having the balls to respect their fans while giving the finger to “the man”
Regardless of whether you’re a fan or not, you’ve got to take your hat off for the way “In Rainbows” was sold. By now you must’ve surely heard about this album (unless you live in a cave somewhere in Afghanistan).
How much did I pay for it? Well it doesn’t really matter does it? coz whether I paid nil or 200Usd for this, “In rainbows” is a massive dildo stuck in RIAA’s tiny ass (note, without Vaseline) or any recording industry that sues single mothers of three.
Now, for the album itself…
It’s raw, and reminded me a lot of “Pablo Honey”. So if you’re looking for nice keyboards and PC effects, a la “Kid A”, go look elsewhere. This is pure guitar, bass, drums and Thom Yorke’s lungs.
It’s Radiohead at its barest, and, stop me if I’m exaggerating, most honest since my favorite “the bends”.
Tracks to look out for: Nude, House of Cards and Jigsaw falling into place.
“In Rainbows” will most likely not be remembered as Radiohead’s best album, but rather as it’s most daring and certainly as one of it’s most interesting projects to date.
RIAA this…wait…you don’t need to RIAA this album! You can get it for FREE!!! So get it for free if you like: honesty, respect, utorrent, emule and the open source movement.
6/10 for the music. Not anywhere as powerful as “the bends”
10/10 for having the balls to respect their fans while giving the finger to “the man”
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
music: ayo - Joyfull by mr. Piggy
I have a confession to make...
I'm no longer in love with Sade.
She was too... snobyish for me...
I mean...I've written her exactly 2945 letters, 14215 emails, I also collect her nails, hairs, and have a wall in my bedroom just for her.
I've extensively written telegraphs, I've tried to call her, fax her, I even trained pigeons to follow her wherever she went...
And nothing.... She doesn't answer me or return my calls. Even worse, every time I try to contact her, her boyfriend attacks me and roughs me up. One day the police even arrested me. But even though I'll receive a restraining order if I get within 1 kilometer of her, I'll always love her...
Anyways, not everything is lost....
Coz now I've found a new love, and her name is Ayo...She has the voice of the sea hitting the shore. If ever there was a voice that could immediatly make me smile, ayo's would be it.
She plays and sings neo-soul/jazz...and as soon as I can I'll follow her wherever she goes, coz ' she's mine....only mine... muahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
RIAA this if you like: Sade (I love you...), Jill Scott, Goapele, Erykah Badu, India Arie.
9/10 coz' giving her a 10 would be stating the obvious, that she's perfect
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Music: My Chemical Romance - The Black Parade by Mr.Piggy
Ok so this is not exactly new stuff...
This kind of music has been done over and over again, countless and countless times. Yet, after listening to the track "famous last tracks" I kind of started liking these guys.Of course you'd say that after 2 bottles of champagne I'd probably like a blowjob from Ol' Dirty Bastard, but hey,that's my opinion so if you don't like it you can all just go to hell (like in the track "mama")...
So what exactly sets this band apart...hmm..well they're from the good ol' USA...
ok so that doesn't exacty make them special...how about they're a teenage oriented pop rock band?...
ok ok, so are 1000s of other bands you'll say, but hey, it kinda makes them more listenable than Britney Spears...And you've got to congratulate them for that right? I mean, not that it's a major feat, but it is still something...
Look, this is pop rock, and pop rock is, well, popyish, so basically after you've heard one band, you've heard them all.What's cool about this album though is that it made me sing aloud "mama we're full of lies" while dancing the polka...naked... and drunk... and I did have fun, even when the police took me away to prison. Again.
4/10 lics for giving me an early hangover from shaking my head so fast while listening to "this is how I disappear"
RIAA this if you like: every band in MTV with the label "rock", starting with April Lavigne
(Ms Wank: and that, my friends, was the most boring music review ever...)
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Aunt Agony Agonizes
Every once in a while our Sex and Masturbation, I mean, Relationships experts will answer our reader's emails. Please bear with us while we try to fix you.
This week, with our very own Aunt Agony
" Dear Auntie,
Ma name iz Joe and I'm 16. Rccently I met thiz girl, and man, she is hot! she's gotz a sporty boddy full of muscles, more muscles even than mme, she's also very strrong and I find everythng about her sexy, even her beard and ocasionnally stronng voice. Her name is Marty, ad it means "little flower" in katmandu. My class mates told me.
Ma problem is that I do not haave the courage to, like, approach her and stuff...you know, tell her my inner feelings and shit...I'm very shy, alsso because I'm a bit blind and ma glasses are very thickk.
On top of that, whenever I try to talk to her, her best friend, who's with her whenever they ggo, attacks me... I still don't understand why, I think she's being overly protecctive, you know. She even tried too make me stopp wanting my sweet Marty by tellling me that she was a boy...cann you bilieve that? How cann she say somthing like that about her own best friedn??
Anyways, Auntie, wat shoul I do?"
Hello Joe, you gay son of a b*****, you little flower.
Marty, Martin or man Marty, is really a female who had an operation and would now like to be a man. So can you now guess what you have to do? I bet you can’t because you’re an idiot.
Let me tell you then, you first have to go to his best friend (who really is by the way his girlfriend) and tell her his real story.
Secondly, as a helpful Samaritan you also need to start spreading a rumour, I mean letting the whole world know who Marty really is, by going to your local newspaper and TV station and letting them know how he was really born.
While you are at it you can also tell them that Marty’s parents aren’t his biological parents and his real parents didn’t love him (Well you might as well tell the whole gruesome story all at once, that are you some sort of pervert and that you would really want to kill him slowly).
Then you go to Marty and try to comfort him as now you are his only friend, since by now everyone should have abandoned him, especially if your story was good. When you go see him, take with you that thing that they use in the movies with a cloth and some sort of spirit that makes people go to sleep when it comes in contact with the nose, you know what I’m talking about hey you little devil ;-), you’ve used it before hey? this will make him voluntarily go into any car trunk.
The next step is to lock him in your house and use him as a ……., do I have to tell you everything? if you don’t know what I mean then you shouldn’t be doing this.
Once you have Marty under custody, now go terrorize his “best friend” for even considering wanting Marty, the law will be on your side, there are many brilliant lawyers out there who would jump at the chance to defend your case in hell. Their contract number is ******** (Mr Piggy: I had to take this number out, as lawyers tend to be funny with their phone numbers),
go ahead and try it, Hahaha.
Neither the writer of this message nor hipbroken can be held liable for your actions after you have read this. Be stupid as much as you want but don't come crying for daddy if something goes wrong. Oh, wait a minute, then again you won't be able to come crying for daddy coz' you'll be in jail, picking up soap bars... right?
This week, with our very own Aunt Agony
" Dear Auntie,
Ma name iz Joe and I'm 16. Rccently I met thiz girl, and man, she is hot! she's gotz a sporty boddy full of muscles, more muscles even than mme, she's also very strrong and I find everythng about her sexy, even her beard and ocasionnally stronng voice. Her name is Marty, ad it means "little flower" in katmandu. My class mates told me.
Ma problem is that I do not haave the courage to, like, approach her and stuff...you know, tell her my inner feelings and shit...I'm very shy, alsso because I'm a bit blind and ma glasses are very thickk.
On top of that, whenever I try to talk to her, her best friend, who's with her whenever they ggo, attacks me... I still don't understand why, I think she's being overly protecctive, you know. She even tried too make me stopp wanting my sweet Marty by tellling me that she was a boy...cann you bilieve that? How cann she say somthing like that about her own best friedn??
Anyways, Auntie, wat shoul I do?"
Hello Joe, you gay son of a b*****, you little flower.
Marty, Martin or man Marty, is really a female who had an operation and would now like to be a man. So can you now guess what you have to do? I bet you can’t because you’re an idiot.
Let me tell you then, you first have to go to his best friend (who really is by the way his girlfriend) and tell her his real story.
Secondly, as a helpful Samaritan you also need to start spreading a rumour, I mean letting the whole world know who Marty really is, by going to your local newspaper and TV station and letting them know how he was really born.
While you are at it you can also tell them that Marty’s parents aren’t his biological parents and his real parents didn’t love him (Well you might as well tell the whole gruesome story all at once, that are you some sort of pervert and that you would really want to kill him slowly).
Then you go to Marty and try to comfort him as now you are his only friend, since by now everyone should have abandoned him, especially if your story was good. When you go see him, take with you that thing that they use in the movies with a cloth and some sort of spirit that makes people go to sleep when it comes in contact with the nose, you know what I’m talking about hey you little devil ;-), you’ve used it before hey? this will make him voluntarily go into any car trunk.
The next step is to lock him in your house and use him as a ……., do I have to tell you everything? if you don’t know what I mean then you shouldn’t be doing this.
Once you have Marty under custody, now go terrorize his “best friend” for even considering wanting Marty, the law will be on your side, there are many brilliant lawyers out there who would jump at the chance to defend your case in hell. Their contract number is ******** (Mr Piggy: I had to take this number out, as lawyers tend to be funny with their phone numbers),
go ahead and try it, Hahaha.
Neither the writer of this message nor hipbroken can be held liable for your actions after you have read this. Be stupid as much as you want but don't come crying for daddy if something goes wrong. Oh, wait a minute, then again you won't be able to come crying for daddy coz' you'll be in jail, picking up soap bars... right?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)